April 5, 2010
– Rich Tate
Christy Hemme opened the show backstage announcing that there would be a TNA Knockout Lockbox Showdown, explaining the rules
as eight women in an elimination tag team match, and in the event of a pinfall or submission, both participants leave the ring, with the
winner getting a key and the loser getting nothing. At the conclusion of the match, each of the four winners would open a lockbox. One
contains Tara’s spider, another an open contract for a match with an opponent of their choice, yet another with instructions to strip and
parade around the ring in bra and panties, and the last one has the TNA Women’s Title belt.
Hemme was joined by Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne. Sky talked about how the Beautiful People, who would be in the match, continue to
revolutionize the business, and they intend to get three of the four prizes. She said if they get the spider, they will squish it. She said they
will get the Women’s Title and the open contract as well. Rayne said they will get everything they deserver, are owed, and expect. She
added that it would be a night their fans would never forget. Lacey Von Erich then came out and said Rayne was right about it being a
night the fans will never forget because they will get to see her in her bra and panties, adding that everybody wins tonight. (As wonderful
as the thought of that image is, this is a wrestling show, right?)
(As Mike Tenay oversold the rundown of tonight’s show, the cameras were rapidly scanning the audience and accompanying signs. One
that stood out to me was a misspelling of Jeff Jarrett. Nice.)
Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarrett, and Abyss came out to the ring to start the show. During their entrance, Taz said that Eric Bischoff was not here
tonight. (Does anyone milk the crowd for cheers more than Hogan?) He said Ric Flair has shown his true colors over and over, and said
Flair cannot be a big down unless he beats Team Hogan at Lockdown. Abyss said he has never dealt with anyone like himself. He said
that when they get locked in the cage at Lockdown, that Flair would realize the definition of pain and suffering. He said it doesn’t matter
who the other members of Team Flair are because Team Hogan is going to kick their ass. (Wouldn’t that be asses?)
Flair was wheeled out to the stage by Chelsea, accompanied by Sting, Desmond Wolfe, and Beer Money. He said those guys make up
Team Flair, and Team Hogan must be kidding if they think they can beat Team Flair. He said he had a Hall of Fame ring, too, and that at
Lockdown, he would shove it down Hogan’s throat. Hogan told Flair never to sell him short, saying he would find out who comprises
Team Hogan when the time is right. Flair said he would send his guys to the ring now if he wanted to find out what Team Flair is made
of. Jarrett told Sting to step in the ring without his bat so he could ask Sting a question. Sting put the bat down and entered the ring.
Jarrett noted they had known each other over twenty years, and had just one question, “Steve”. He wanted to know why the dark side had
come out. Jarrett said he may not deserve an answer, but the fans do, and repeated the question. Sting laughed and Jarrett slapped him.
The Sting fought back briefly before jumping from the ring. Wolf and Money got in the ring, but everything stopped when Jeff Hardy and
Rob Van Dam came out, and cleared the ring. So, Lockdown has Team Flair (Sting, Wolfe, and Money) set, and Team Hogan (Abyss,
Jarrett, Hardy, and Van Dam) set. They went to break.
Rob Van Dam versus James Storm
As they went to break, it was announced that they would have Van Dam versus Storm after the break. When they returned, the match was
already underway. Van Dam was in control when they came back from break, but Storm quickly gained the edge. During the match,
Tenay made a plea to fans to call their friends and tell them to tune into iMPACT right now. Van Dam finally turned the tide with an
impressive boot to the face of Storm, but both men went down. As they came to their feet simultaneously, they traded punches, and Van
Dam won that battle, sending Storm to the mat. Storm came back and got a vicious elbow on Van Dam, but Van Dam was able to come
back and get the pinfall. Winner: Rob Van Dam
Post-match, Storm smashed a beer bottle across Van Dam’s head, and stood laughing as Van Dam was surrounded by security. He
went in for another cheap shot, but security led him away before any more damage could be done. They went to another break.
After the break, clips of Storm’s attack on Van Dam were shown. Van Dam was still in the ring and Storm was on the ramp gloating.
Suddenly, Hardy rushed down the ramp and attacked Storm. Security stopped them, and as Hardy was checking on Van Dam, Robert
Roode came from behind and attacked him.
They went backstage to Hemme, who was with Angelina Love, Tara, Hamada, and ODB. Tara said the elimination match was a joke.
She said TNA wants ratings and they are using her to get them. Angelina Love responded to Tara, saying there’s no such thing as fair in
wrestling, and that sometimes life is a bitch, and she will be opening the box for the Women’s belt. Tara told Love she would be stealing
it from her, and if that’s the way she wanted to roll, they would roll. ODB said there’s some people “PMSing around here”. She said she
was going after the contract. Hamada shrugged and then spoke in her native tongue, to which Hemme replied, “What she said”.
TNA Global Title Match: Rob Terry * versus Homicide
Homicide came out first, followed by Terry, the defending champion. (Tell me again why TNA has a Global title …someone … anyone?)
Terry started out in control, throwing Homicide across the ring by the throat. Homicide came back with chops that didn’t phase Terry.
Terry held Homicide over his head for at least ten seconds and then slammed him to the mat. Homicide tried to fight back, again with
chops, that did nothing. Terry just slapped Homicide across the ring. He then did a front powerslam off the ropes on Homicide and got
the pinfall. Winner and Still Champion: Rob Terry
Post-match, as Terry gloated in the ring, Homicide came up from behind with a chair shot to the back that didn’t phase Terry. He then
delivered one to the front of the head, which opened up a gash on Terry’s head, but Terry slammed him to the canvas. Orlando Jordan
appeared on the ring, with a goofy looking mask on and some kind of food stuff dropping all over his body. Another break to end the
Love was shown backstage preparing for the lockbox match upon return, and then another break. (How many freaking commercials
does this company need to cover payroll?)
After the break, the Beautiful Girls were backstage with sexy underwear. (Again, wrestling show?)
Lockbox Showdown: Angelina Love, Tara, Hamada & ODB versus Daffney & the Beautiful People
Love and Rayne started the match. (Since this will most likely be uninteresting and fast-paced … God willing … I’ll just hit the finishes)
Tara pinned Rayne and both left, with Tara winning a key.) As Daffney and Love enter the ring, it’s time for another break. After the break, it
was told to us that Daffney pinned Hamada, thus winning a key. Sky pinned ODB for the third key, leaving us with Love and Von Erich.
Love pinned Von Erich for the final key. Winners: Tara, Daffney, Velvet Sky, and Angelina Love
They showed the lockboxes backstage, and went to another break. (Maybe instead of people counting minutes of in-ring action per show,
someone should calculate the number of minutes for commercials.)
Ladder match: Kurt Angle versus Mr. Anderson
Anderson came to the ring first, followed by Angle. And it’s time for another break before we start the match (Un-freaking-believable!)
They came back from the break and showed Angle on the mat, noting that Anderson attacked him before the bell, and guess what –
another break. (Return from a commercial break to show thirty seconds and go to more commercials!? By the way, during this break, the
one-hour mark was passed. That means everything you’ve read so far was in an unopposed hour against RAW, but of course, the
reason they went an hour early tonight was to avoid conflicting with the NCAA Basketball Finals, which tipped off at 9:15) Upon return,
they rang the bell and started the match. Angle was in control early. Tenay and Taz explained that the ladder would lead to the key that the
winner would have to use to escape from the cage at Lockdown. Anderson brought the ladder in the ring and suplexed Angle onto it. He
started to set it up to make the climb, but Angle came to his feet. Angle then suplexed Anderson into the ladder, set up in the corner. He
took a shot at setting it up for the climb, but Anderson came to his feet. Anderson used the ladder to avoid a charging Angle, sending him
crashing to the canvas. He then climbed the ladder, but before he could take the key down, Angle came from behind and slammed
Anderson from the top of the ladder to the mat. He sent Anderson to the floor and tried to climb up the ladder. Anderson came back in
and knocked over the ladder, which sent Angle over the top rope and onto the floor, drawing chants of “Holy sh*t”. Anderson went up the
ladder again, but Angle managed to get back in and climb to the top turnbuckle. He jumped into the ladder, and Anderson fell off to the
mat, drawing chants of “TNA”. Angle laid the ladder flat on the mat and laid Anderson onto it. He used a series of punches to the face and
then climbed then came off the top turnbuckle onto Anderson. Angle then slammed Anderson into the ringpost and set up the ladder
again. As he climbed, Anderson got Angle’s medal and stopped Angle from climbing. He count the medal around Angle’s neck and
began choking him with it. Angle still managed to reach the key, but fell of the ladder, resulting in Anderson grabbing the key. Winner: Mr.
Post-match, Anderson got the mic and said he had a bottle of champagne in the back waiting on him. He said the only person he would
party with tonight would be Mr. Anderson. (That sounds dirty.)
Jeremy Borash was shown backstage interviewing Hogan. He asked Hogan about Bischoff. Hogan said what happens between him
and Bischoff stays between them. He wasn’t always happy with Eric, and he would handle that behind closed doors. Bubba the Love
Sponge came up and Hogan asked him why he joined the Band. He said Bubba was running with the wrong crowd. Bubba said he was
now having fun, and he wasn’t having fun with Hogan. Jay Lethal came up to Hogan and went into some Savage-like diatribe, saying he
had Hogan’s back. The Band was shown arriving, and they went to a break.
After the break, we were again shown the lockboxes. Then Hemme was with Matt Morgan, who was holding both TNA World Tag Team
Title belts. Morgan said what had happened to Hernandez was an unfortunate accident. Hemme asked Morgan who he would use as his
partner to replace Hernandez, and he said “we” will continue to defend these titles. Hemme noted there was only her and him standing
there, and she acted like he was insane for thinking someone else was threw with him. She then announced that next week, “both of
you” will defend the title next week.
Team 3D versus the Motor City Machine Guns
The Guns came out first, followed by 3D. It was explained that the winners of this match would face Morgan (and Morgan?) next week for
the title. Chris Sabin and Brother Ray started the match, and Sabin tagged in Alex Shelley after getting an advantage. Ray quickly got
Brother D-Von into the ring. Sabin was tagged in and handled them solo for a few moments. He tagged in Shelley, who came off the
ropes, crashing into D-Von for a near fall. Ray turned the tide when he was in with Sabin. D-Von started to put a table in the ring, but
before he could, Sean Waltman came up behind and slammed him into the ringpost. Kevin Nash laid out Ray, and the entire Band
continued the onslaught on both 3D and the Guns. The match ended as a no contest, and as the chaotic beatdown continued, they went
to a break.
After the break, the Band was still in the ring. 3D and the Guns had been taken to the back. Bubba joined the Band in the ring. Nash got
on the mic and said he had a message for the world. He said they might not be signing the checks, but they are running the show. He
said Hogan was worried about Flair and Bischoff, but the Band was his biggest nightmare. He said for fifteen years, they had been
carrying his ass. He said Bubba told them Hogan said they were bad people. He said they run the show and are the show. He added
that the people in the ring like him and that was plenty.
Cut to Borash backstage with D’Angelo Dinero. The Pope talked about his match tonight against Desmond Wolfe. He said he would
make history at Lockdown by winning the TNA World Title, but he got one up on Wolfe last week with Chelsea. He said he would paint a
new picture tonight, and then Wolfe and Chelsea interrupted. Wolfe said where he’s from people don’t get second chances, and that they
should be having him against Styles at Lockdown because he’s that good. Pope told Wolfe if he beat him tonight, he could have Styles at
They showed Tara backstage, stressing over the key and the lockbox, and went to – you guessed it – another break.
Gauntlet Match: Doug Williams versus Generation Me
Williams came out first and got on the mic, and, while the crowd chanted “USA”, said he wanted to point out that the days of acrobats
stinking up the X Division were finished. He said those clowns need to go back to the circus with the other performing monkeys
(Somebody has been listening to Ringside Rap on Wednesday nights). He said there was an alternative, and that was to go back to
wrestling school and learn technical wrestling, adding that he was the master. He insisted on being called Douglas Williams, noting that
he was the finest thing alive. He said he had arranged a gauntlet match between him and Generation Me. Jeremy Buck came out first
and , well, did some acrobatics. Williams got the pin and Max Buck came in for his turn. He, too, did many acrobatics. Williams put them
both over and made them look good, but ultimately got Max to tap out. Winner: Doug Williams
Shannon Moore hit the ring and attacked Williams after Williams would not release his hold on Buck. Williams quickly retreated. Moore
got on the mic and said there’s no room for boring wrestlers like Williams. He told Williams to look between his legs, and if he had a set,
put the title up against him at Lockdown.
Cut to Love backstage, admiring her key, and cut to another break. (Wow … haven’t had one of those in a while.)
They come back from break and show the Beautiful Girls backstage for about fifteen seconds and then … (Do I really have to type it
After the break, Hemme was backstage with 3D. Ray said there was no reason for an attack from “disrespectful, unethical pricks”. He
said that in fifteen years their paths had never crossed, but next week they would catch up to the Band. D-Von said they’re from New York
City, and they would kick their butts all over the arena (Not sure what NYC had to do with that.)
Desmond Wolfe versus D’Angelo Dinero
Wolfe hit the ring first, followed by Pope. He attacked Pope on the ramp, but Pope got the upper hand. They made it to the ring and the
match started. Wolfe fought back and took control early. Pope came back strong and got a quick pin. Winner” D’Angelo Dinero
With Pope celebrating on the ramp, Styles attacked him from behind and led him into the ring and beat him down. Abyss came to the ring
and Styles retreated. With Abyss staring down Styles, Wolfe hit him from behind. Wolfe brought in a fire extinguisher and delivered a shot
to the head of Abyss, and they went to what would hopefully be the final break of the show.
After the break, Tenay and Taz talked up the Team Hogan-Team Flair match at Lockdown.
Borash handled the lockbox duties from the stage. Sky opened hers first, to find the open contract. Tara was next, and found a spider in
her box (Umm … never mind.). Daffney and Love opened theirs together. Love got the TNA Women’s Title, making her the new
champion, and Daffney had to perform a striptease. She tried to leave, but Borash told her she would be fired if she didn’t do it. Old-time
stripper music played as Daffney walked down to the ring. She reluctantly removed her hat, followed by her collar. Von Erich came down
and laid her out with the ugly stick and then began to happily stripe down. Meanwhile, Tara and Love got into a brawl onstage over the
Women’s Title belt. They fought down the ramp and into the ring. Von Erich continued to prance around the ring as Tara and Love
brawled. Sky then got on the mic and said she was cashing in her contract to face Von Erich next week in a leather and lace match,
because an unwritten rule of the Beautiful People is no one BG shows another up. Security was breaking up Love and Tara as the show
came to a close.